Singing to the Moon
by UndeadGrenadier
Summary: "...and the child - the child... my kind don't usually breed! It will be like me, I am convinced of it! How can I forgive myself when I knowingly risked passing on my own condition to an innocent child! And if, by some miracle, it is not like me, then it will be better off, a hundred times so, without a father of whom it should always be ashamed!"


He slammed his fist down on the table in a fit of anger, though he didn't entirely know what he was angry about. Was it anger or was it guilt? He couldn't honestly say which he felt, or whether or not it was a combination of the two. As he downed another glass of firewhiskey, and felt it burn down his throat, he felt his heart contract painfully in his chest. _What have I done? _He thought miserably. _Oh don't pity yourself Remus you wanted this..._

Remus shook his head and bit back a sob that he knew was coming. Why exactly was he so upset? He knew this was bound to happen sooner or later, but he hadn't expected it. Not for a few more years. He and Tonks had a very serious and intimate relationship, they were married after all! But they were safe. He had made so perfectly sure they were safe, but something went wrong. Something went horribly wrong. And all he could do was drown himself in liquor and his own guilt, because his wife was pregnant.

When Tonks had announced it to everyone, they seemed genuinely happy for her, and he tried his best to seem that way too. He pasted a smile to his face and spoke happy words, but he couldn't disguise the pain in his eyes. His disease, his problem, the pain that was inflicted on him every full moon would be passed down to an innocent child that deserved much more than fear and discrimination. Even after the war between Harry and Voldemort, no one would be willing to accept werewolves into society just yet. Remus couldn't blame them; he knew he was a monster at heart. He needed a potion to keep himself sane, so he wouldn't go on a rampage, as if that wasn't enough proof of his monstrosity. When he didn't have that potion, he inflicted pain on himself so he wouldn't do it to anyone else...

And he just passed that on to a child. His child. _My child..._

Remus shuddered and poured himself another glass of firewhiskey, but before he could down it, a gentle hand touched his shoulder. "Remus, please..."

His wife's pain filled voice made him turn and look at her. She stared into his dead eyes and her heart broke. She didn't know what to do to ease her husbands fears. She never knew what to tell him anymore. Tonks had become afraid to tell him that everything would be okay, because the first time she had said it, he lost his temper, and yelled at her, and then broke down, falling to his knees in a fit of sobs. It had almost killed her to see him in so much pain, but words had been lost on her since. Remus turned back to his drink and ran his index finger around the rim of the shot glass idly.

"Please what, Dora?" He murmured tonelessly.

"Come back to bed," she pleaded. "I know that you're scared-"

Remus snorted. "Scared is putting it lightly," he turned completely around in his chair and placed a hand on her enlarged stomach. Tonks nearly gasped in surprise, but bit it back. Remus had never wanted to do that, touch her stomach, feel for something from the baby. But he felt he needed to do this. He closed his eyes and bowed his head. In response to Remus's touch, he felt a small nudge. He made a choking sound and Tonks dropped to her knees and held his face between her hands. He stared into her eyes, trying to find any kind of fear or anger in them, but he found only concern for him. He felt that he didn't deserve her love and concern, because of what he had done, and lowered his head.

"I know you don't want to hear it," Tonks said determinedly. "But everything _will _be alright. You'll teach him everything he needs to know, and you'll make sure he never has to feel the same pain. I know you don't want to believe me, but you're just going to have to."

Remus grabbed her hands and pulled them away from his face. He held them in both of his own, but didn't speak. Tonks didn't speak either, patiently awaiting his response. She knew exactly how hard this would be for him, but she also knew that he needed to get over his past and look to the future. He was having a baby, they were having a child together, and even though it was nearly certain that their baby would inherit his disease, they would never know until he came of age. She felt warm, tiny droplets falling on her hands, but still she remained quiet. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Remus raised his head and looked at his wife.

"I believe you."


End file.
